Thoughts of a not so wise one

Went driving today... was very happy with myself. learnt how to do clutch control and indeed i was chatting away. Does anyone else have problems with the directions of left and right? Now now, u could probably scream at me going "ITS EASY!" but is it? I have to do the L signal for my left before i hit the indicator and then remember to do it quickly so my driving instructor doesnt see me... hehe...

Alas i am feeling in the christmas spirit more and more, probably because my Ipod had 10christmas songs on while i was getting ready for the day. Not really motivated today as i cant be bothered doing geography but i might go and do some now... or else later on before bedtime. Monsoons arent that interesting even if you are talking about a natural disaster, which i normally love.

Brr! that is one thing about winter, its freaking freezing all the time. If its not cold when u are in bed, then u can bet a good one hundred pounds that it wil be cold as soon as ur baby toe touches that ground, that time where u run into the bathroom hoping for it to be more warm and having to sit on the toilet with that cold toliet seat... doesnt bear thinking about.

I hope to get my english cw in this week and indeed go out with my boyfriend and mates at the weekend to a local bar for some fun drinkin times, but alas i will need to get my work done on my geog before then.

A teacher rang today and asked whether i shud resit or not. I got a bit down about that for i thought i was progressing well but told me i didnt have much time to complete the entire syallbus... i decided to prove said teacher wrong even tho they are lovely. I am a bit stubborn at times.

Pop that Cork

So off I went for the weekend to a place near Cork. A holiday you may say but i was the co pilot in this operation. The operation title: Get to the hotel without getting lost. It may sound easy but when u have three people going "are you sure?" to ur directions and then saying "we missed the turn off" when indeed they were reading the wrong section of your instructions and were leading us to the airport instead of the hotel....well you would in my position (which was what did "not" happen) become a bit snappy and start to produce a full blown headache before you have even arrived at ur destination.

We arrived in good time (a saying i don't even understand. Good time? What does someone praise you and pat you on the head or is it more a term about the fact u arrived at ur destination at all) Anywho and anyway we got unpacked and of course i went for my first real excerise since getting out of hospital. Swimming. Yes yes i went swimming. Of course i did it the wrong way round, I went into the hot tub first and was all tosy then got into the mild luke warm water for a few lenghts or indeed races (who knows?) After the swimming was completed and my legs felt like lead (hard to walk obviously) we went and got dinner. Being economically in these times meant we got vouchers and had a nice dinner that didnt look cheap but was. I had steak and peppercorn sauce with onion rings and chips. Yum in my tum....

I wont bore you with further fruitless details but i got A LOT of clothes, a new pandora bracelet and didnt get lost once (only due to my high memory skills and good tomtom sat nav training in my previous life)

I am back home now and i feel much better not paying for tolls and not using Euros (they confuse me... why cant we all use my money? in terms of currency not my savings)

I did even put in a little christmas shopping and that is good for me... shopping firstly and then shopping for someone else... i patted my back on that one.

I am away now to ring dear Lauren my friend but maybe if you are lucky i might come on 2mara and give you my low down on winter tale tution times. Lol. (how excited i am..... nat!)

Toodles Darlings,

xo

Weekend Flanter And A Bit of Banter

There on the left is two intoxicated females enjoying their... Friday (had to think, all that alcho has put a damper on the grey cells) night out. That girl there is Hannah (left) and moi (the other girl left). Drinking? Cheap wine as always cus she is a cheap girl (hannah) and me.... single vokda, blackcurrant juice and a touch of tap water.... i am a light weight and as u can see from the expression, this was the start of me going down hill into drunk ville.... to join hannah who had left and grabbed the taxi for drunk ville about half an hour before this photo was taken.


Previous to this photo Hannah blabbed on about how her and her mother went into the rough part of the city to attend.... a meat sale. I tried not to laugh while hannah carried on in her serious tone about how her and her mother saved a good deal of money and that we were heading in the wrong direction (which she got wrong) and that indeed we shud be in a different lane (which she got wrong) Alas i wont be using dearest hannah to drive me places in her SPORTS car as she likes to emphasis.


After a bit of time spent in old Spoons with old men in electric wheelchair going to the bar man "jus away to pee" and reverse *with the reverse noise* out of the bar and into the mens loo's, we headed via a taxi cus it was lashing to Laverys, a club near Spoons. We downed some more shots, screamed we needed the ladies, walked professionally towards them and then found Thomas (my bf) with his school mates. Hannah at this point, blocked. Me at this point, blocked. Lindsay? Sharing all her wordly sex secrets, actually screaming them to me while i laughed uncontrollably and told her to stop. Ahh alas look at all together smiling into the camera, while each one of us will have no idea that the photo was taken five minutes after.


So back to the banter and flanter that is my story. Thomas tells us that his mates dont talk to girls. Us thinkin we are the queens of this world, sit down a bit drunkly and say hello, then we run out of things to say.... how cool we are! Our night continued with us trying to play pool in a table that needed money to play it and linsday continuing in her bid for best mate by tellin my bf that if he "didnt fucking love" me that she would "make him fucking love" me and if he didnt then she would "come and fucking get him" which made me feel a tad worried for my boyfriends safety.

Alas the night was nearly over but not for hannah. The flanter of it all! She kissed a guy and hell did she like it. I shouted "Hannah McCann you cant kiss a boy" and she waved me away while my other mate shouted at someone peeing (a guy) againist the wall going "that is where i live"....


In the end we got food where i asked whether someone was eating cow (i am not a veggie) and said not to eat it because they might have peed on it. Only to get another taxi home (not the one we booked) and ask the driver silly questions, while eating the curry chip that i had bought and hannah telling me "that boy was talking to a girl" and me going "WHAT A MANWHORE".....

All in all it was a glorious evening and i wud do it again and again... Oh lets not forget us chanting "walk of shame" to a boy who went into the ladies to have sex with his gf.... he was rather red faced when he came out... hehehe.

Holidays And Brollies

I am off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard *screeches to a halt* wait no i am not. I am not dorothy... *feels her clothing and looks at shoes* and i dont have sparkly shoes on. Indeed i am off to Dublin not the wizard visiting land that I was singing about.


Holidays are strange things, you pack your bags for how ever long the duration of the holiday is and unpack when u get there.... you put your personal possessions and cart them to a different location, that someone (not me hehe) has paid for and then u do the same routine but in a different location....


I am indeed going to the land of the Irish in the terms of Dublin, driving (not me for i am jus provisional at the mo) and having a bit of banter (but no flanter) and doing my vernoica (stomach) workout of how to get rid of her. Insane spending a hol this way? Nooo merely pratically.


What did i pack? Probably shit? who knows. I did my usual twirly dresses with vibrant tights and threw in some hot pants and sexy underwear for my mystery date (jus kidding, i am my own date) and then i am off 2mara after my tea with kettle. But have no fear, hotel has broadband. Yippeeeee


Maybe i shud bring a can of diet coke for the journey? i did get a new book all about a affair... hot hot baby much?


Toodles Fairest of them all
x

The Addictions that keep my heart beating

I fear people I am highly addicted to.... yes u have got it ..... Diet Coke. Not even the lines of coke people taken in those germy loos but indeed the canned sugary drink that i have even if i wake up at 4am and am thirsty because i cant be bothered to get a new glass of water. Its that noise as u open a ice cool can during the summer and hear the crackle of the ice as you pour it into the glass, knowing that just in a moment your thirst will be quenched and you will feel the best. Okay? Overboard? Neverrrr...



Second addiction in life. That small bottle of WKD that you just have to have to start off the night (weekend night not every night now lol) Its the reminder of childhood drinking behind the park wall or indeed the ice pop that tastes the same as WKD and the fact that its in this bottle, makes you feel kinda of grown up.



Third addiction. My computer aka Betty Lou 2 (the first one is sadly dead) is on almost 16 or more hours a day after i do my revision or indeed tick off my "to do" list... lol



Fourth addiction? Hannah Mccanners and our Retro Nights out. I need that girl with her big mama camera and indeed that final glass of wine that she buys but asks me to hold aka drink it down while she isnt looking. And that links in with my mates and my bf. They all make me laugh (not as much as myself but still u cant beat me even if you think you are hannah mccann)



Fifth addiction (and indeed final addiction) THE BED! i love it. i love my nest. I love snuggling down with a book or my DS and stretching in the morning. My dog i am afraid thinks that he owns the bed but indeed its my bed *points at chest*



My post sound boring but then everyone has addictions and this is my form of AA but i changed it to Addiction Annoymous and not Alchohol... I like to think that everyone has an addiction... either they have a addiction about me or indeed an addiction invovling something bad.... like chocolate or that last biscuit that u weren't allowed. Mhhh diet coke. I might get my third can of it... or maybe i shud go to water? Ohh shudnt tell u my answer it wud be admitting another addiction (omg alliertation, arent i clever?)



Toodles Pippins

Where has the time went?

I sadly forgot about this blog and left it behind along with my hickman line and the hospital gown... but i am back! Alas, you will all be glad to know and i have decided that all my followers (pff) will want something to lull them to sleep at night, and this is were old Jane comes in.


Right what has been happening? I got thee fecking all clear *does a bum dance and yippes* then i went and hit the one year anniverarsy with my lovely and smoking hot boyfriend, Tom. I started going out with this weird girl called Mccanners on nights out where we wud end up in the Queens Guard Box doing porn poses but then what has a girl got to do when there is a camera pointing at her?


Now i have nooo idea how to change the cancerlicious URL but here its a great reminder that i was once cancerlicious and anyone who has cancer is indeed the same. one day baldness will be something hot and trendy i think ;)


I am jus enjoying my life at the moment and I am on tablets still and cant fly but that doesnt keep me down. Dr Kettle thinks i shud slow down but i said to him i am not going to. He laughed and said "fair enough".


Reminds me Tea with Kettle 2mara, so i will post how that goes. I want this blog to work and I think Hannah Mccann should get a blogger account so she can follow me.... if only i can work on that URL....


Over and out mr roger dodger....

xo

Woop A De Woop

Were is the balloons? My crown? My presents? I have only gone n done it. Faced my fear and done six days of chemo in a row. I think i shal recieve my award now, or as the grinch says "the child mentioned a cheque?"


In terms of funny stories, I have none since I am in my own company. I do giggle tho at me filling jugs of my own pee to be measured and asked how much water i have drank. My answer: "i don't drink water. I did however polish off that capri-sun" App a carton of something isn't a measurement.

I can say this tho... u get to stay in bed and everything is brought to you, but then again I have zero energy to do anything. It reminds me of a friend, goes by the name of Emmathong. Yessss she may read this and gasp but she is a familiar face to being in bed and adopting the attitude "mmhh i have jus got comfy jane, can't you turn off the light" Eh? Moi? Fiinneeee.

If u are reading this, i have crap all energy to reply so i only come on to the computer cus i find it way easier to talk. If u want to tlk to me. Find me on msn people (gosh! don't i sound popular)


Toodles.xoo

Lag Time

Ahhh mateys!!! Final day of E n A chemo... (BEAM) u get it.... so 2mara i am taking in... wait for it 7000ml of fluid plus a ten minute chemo injection through IV (line)

I am starting to sound like my personal doctor. Speaking of hospital people i want to train them in how to close a door without banging it so loud ur skin jumps from your bones. Since i am in a isolation room i have two doors (u open one, stand and sterilse... open second to my greeting face) Anyway that creates a wind tunnel effect and the door are banging from about 6am through to 1pm... the only time when one NEEDS sleep.


I have watched Marley and Me along with Hotel for Dogs. What? A pattern of animals movies? Nevvverrr :D


Ehm trying to think of what other things have been happening. I got for dinner a sandwich one day and i jus looked at it like it was a dead finger on my plate (the chicken was brown in it... not right!) So a lovely lady got me a loaf of wheaten bread which doesn't turn me.


Today i had my sunday dinner (gosh after this no more food talk for u's) and that was nice BIG chicken :D so that was good.


So i wil leave you lot with this

I.HAVE.ONE.FREAKING.MORE.DAY

OF.CHEMO.FOR.THE.REST.OF.MY.ENTIRE.LIFE.


and that my friend makes Jane SUPER DUPER FLIPPING HAPPY :D

xoxox

The Beat

Sorry i did forget about my wee heart scan. I am writing bout it because it was bloody fab... seeing ur heart beat and seeing the valves move as i breathed in and out.... jus sooo weird.

I was sitting with the jelly on my chest and getting the wee ultra sound (top half naked) in front of a guy (bit awkard having ur chest poke out from the bedsheet) but yeah it was sooo interesting and jus like when the baby gets scanned you heard my heart beat and the wee noises it made.... soooo cool :D

Also nearly forgot had a wee heart to heart with my bitch tumour. U wil prob see a running trend in my posts, personification. It was a bit shocked that i was telling it that it was leaving my body for good and the fact that it would be gone and never return. It wasn't really accepting my decision but when i told it that it wasn't welcome anymore it nodded glumly and told me that it wud leave. Isn't it kind? (no i ain't mad for speaking to my tumour)

Another wee thing, being in the hospital you get kinda nice food. Had lovely potato slices with sags and then free internet (its like a hotel but not quite)

I am kinda scared of the shower, but hey even that has a shower seat. I wil soon forget how to walk ;)

xoxo

The Farting Woman

Heya, this is my third day in thee hospital and between me and you *moves closer to screen* I love my bed, freaking comfy :D



Sooo yeah onto my post title, I went for a xray about my hickman line to see it was in the correct place and wasn't "curled" I had a journey and a half on my way down in the coolest chair ever, I feel remotely lazy and they tell you to do things slowly and u know what I LOVE IT :D (emmathong wud esp enjoy it)



The first journey was that i think i was chatted up by a porter telling me that i am farrr to young to be ill and that i should be outside enjoying the sunshine, while asking how old i was and laughing at my age ( clearly flanter dont u think? lol)



The second wee story (invovles the title) as i got to the xray department i seen a woman who was say about 80 with a HUGE humped back (ok ok that is not even being bitchy i am jus stating facts ok...) and every time this woman walked she farted! the loudest farts ever. And she wasnt aware of it at all. It was sooo funny.



Then as i was sitting in my wee chair waiting for a porter to push me up to ward 10, i heard someone get the best news of their life, they were better and as he whistled and waved. I felt like slowly slipping my foot out of the wheelchair, tripping him up and then whistling and smiling at him like i didnt do anything wrong. Jealous? Never! haha.



So yeah got my xray done and then got my hickman line redressed.... only to tell Dr. K that my knitting was going to make a long ladder to aid me in escaping from the hospital. Needless to say he laughed and told me "jane 10 floors mean a lot of wool"



Me thinks i could knit fast... dont u?



At the moment I am getting my first chemo dose but from everyone else app i dont feel anything til about the 4th day where upon they stick me on a constant supply of antisickness drugs and sleeping thing.... a needle into the stomach and stays there. Can't wait for that cus it knocks u out....



Might post later if i have another interesting story from hospital to tell but at the moment i am tucked into my bed and listening to music to keep me happy... "i touch myself" anyone (the song u ppl not a question!)



xoxox

Hickman Line

Hey, so told everyone that I would post about my hickman line once it was in. In the past I have got my PICC line in about five times (in total) and this hickman line was a completely new thing to me.

I was taken down to a vasualar place in the back end of the city hospital and the staff were all females who scarily looked the same. This is when the show started. I was brought into the controlled xray area and put on the xray table. The point of the xray was so that they could see precisely were the line was going in. I nodded as they told me this thinkin... oh it wil be froze with magic stuff and i wil have to sit there for a hour and wait til they have finished with me. How wrong I was.... i was hooked up to a heart machine, blood pressure attached to my arm, surgery cap on my bald head (a funny look i wish to wear out for the night) very very cold cleansing agent that made it all sterile....


So off they went with the local magic stuff that i cant spell and nor shal i try because i dont want to look stupid in my own fab blog ;) Anywho they did the magic stuff and needless to say i cud stil feel them poking so more was applied to my chest area. After a while they started. Now I don't want to go into tooooo much detail incase people get bored with me talking but they made two holes to thread the line in via a wire up over my collar bone and into my main vein that connects to my heart... so i felt the wire go in, the blood pour down my neck and them threading the line in. As my heart rate increased i began to wonder whether I would get away with killing them all and walking out without a hickman line.... but needless to say they stitched me up and smiled sweetly at me, commenting on my nice taste in duvet cover....

The fun for me didnt end there tho, I waited for a good half an hour and in that time talked to a woman who cud only be described as being pulled through a hedge as her white hair was wild on top of her head like a monster and she had glasses that looked like they were hand made.... she of course was getting a bone or something cut out and i wished her luck as she giggled...and that isnt my imagination. THEN! Just as i thought i was going to get away from the crazy place another man came in from wales... invovled in a car accident and through his oxegyen mask he started to smile and wave at me... a man aged over 50 with 3 missing teeth and two broken ribs who looked like he was high on morphine. How did i know this? For his was rubbing his stomach constantly while scratching his head.


And you lot think i am insane ;)

xoxoxo

Loner Time

Hey just posting to let you know that I got a bed (looks like this one isnt going to be snatched up by someone else) and i am going into hospital 2nite (which is 3rd Aug...)

I am going to be positive here and say i am going to try to be outta hospital in about 20 days soooo that makes it (easy maths) the 23rd which is when this blog wil end and i wil be happy destroying it along with all the memories.

Haha I kinda imagine myself in the cycle helmet going to take part in that old show i used to watch as a kid on saturday night, gladiators.... the chemo of course is the huge people who push you down. I will of course have my wee knee pads and elbow pads to prevent me from being slayed by them ;)

Scout honour not to soon too depressing once I get into hospital. No one likes a sad face :)

Toodles....

Oh p.s. this is my wee song that makes me stay positive- Kanye West Stronger (the lyrics esp)

xox

Something happy to blog about

Ok since i made this blog i suppose i have to juggle some fun things in here too...like getting thee new hair cut... Who would have thought that me and my furry creature (my nickname for thee wig) would embrace love together and go and get it cut. Now as I described to my hairdresser how it kinds of run and scurries onto my awaiting head every day she looked at me as tho i had not one bald head but two ;) So off we went to get it cut and indeed i was thinking of my old hair style as what i wanted... only to realise that the wig wasnt wanting tat at all. So we jus snipped the sides a bit and left the "sweeping" fringe as it was. Result: the hair look less like a creature and more like well... ehm hair It was of course a rare thing to do in a teens life, go and get their wig cut while fellow people in the hairdressers said they loved my hair (not knowing it was pure fake) Me and my creature needless to say walked out of the hairdressers lookin fresh and wind swept. When i got home i realised my... (wait for it).... wig liner (now laugh) had arrived. Can a girl help it if she has touchy skin that is sensitive... i popped on what can only be described as a head sock and while i looked like i was going swimming wif my face pulled to heaven i decided best not to wear the liner.... I think that was the best decision all round. So the furry creature has a head to sit on in my sisters room (one of those poly one and yes! i did apply make up to its face) and it looks like its settling in nicely.... I hope it doesn't turn suddenly alive after me personifing it. There! And that my followers was someting HAPPY to blog about.... Cus tbh u gotta be happy, if u aren't u wil end up in a darken room rocking and nibblin on ur hair muttering bout how fab I am ;) Toodle for now.xox

The Call

So today I got the call from le hospital to say that there was a bed in the hospital waiting with my name on it... this is like the first stage before u get into the ward for ur specific treatment.


So i was like "great... my wee break is nearly over" then they rang back and said that another person took the bed and that i was put back on the waiting list (my wee heart was v.happy at this)


Only to get another phone call and be told that my hickman line date has been made for this tuesday (basically once that is in they ring a few days later and bring u in....)


The hickman line is inserted into ur chest while the surrounding area is froze but u can see them bring the lines into ur heart and across under ur skin....


I don't really mind the whole getting it done because i can hack that... it more a new thing in my chest that is only secured by two wee tape things and for someone who sleeps on their chest i wil now have a week of sleepless nights until i get used to it....


On another note I wil then be confined to that stupid room for 3 weeks and may not be allowed out due to isolation....


As the sayin goes "it can only get better" Right?
xo

Thee Break & Tea with Dr.K

So in totally from Feb to June I got two cycles of chemo... I have been on my "break" as the hospital folk call it for a month now and as it is ending in a couple of weeks I wanted to post about it all and what I am in for next... the last hurdle in the race as i call it.


During my break I have went back to being a normal teenager during the summer time... going out and seein my mates. I went to Dublin with my boyfriend (Tom) and seen thee new Harry Plopper movie... its was a bit funny since i had a dream that i was dating rupert and that i left tom for rupert..



Others thing i have been getting up to is jus going out and getting a tad drunk at Retro or such like.... I have been ordered to put weight on so I am now fully loving my diet of fatty foods and some sprinkles of healthy food that I think my mum adminsters during the night while i snooze....

Today i went for tea with Dr. K, this is my term for going to the hospital for a wee talk and blood test with Dr. K... the clinic as other call it but i feel "Tea with Dr.K" is better.


I got told that I still have a wee while before i go into hospital since they have to do a lung test ie capicity of oxgyen i can hold at times and also a wee heart echo, like come on i think that is rather cool. I loved when i was getting my biospy and seen my actual bitch tumour, many heard me call it "cute" lol. Not every day u see ur cancer and also ur heart during a hospital appointment.


After that I will get called in for my hickman line then i wil get brought into the hell that is my isolation room for 3weeks... i feel i shud draw up a escape route for when i go mad on steriods.... (i might post a wee post about the line when i get it in and let u all know what was involved- some people are really interested in that stuff)

Well for now i am still clawing at all the time i got before i have to do thee dreaded time in le hospital.....


Toodles for now....
xox

Ohhh what a blog to create

Ok so i decided to create this wee blog of mine so when i am in hospital the many fans that i have can see what hell i am going through and whether i am doing well or not. Its pretty much a record of what i am going to go through during my 3 week stay in hospital. Ehm general info about my hospital stay is like 3 weeks different thing happening during that time....

1st week- High dose chemo every day for a period of six days (fun? INDEED)

2nd week- Maybe become less deathly looking and get my transplant stem cell thing

3rd week- Get energy back and get outta hospital without the bitch tumour in me.....

Seems easy doesn't it? I wil be shitting my la senza underwear lol.

The majority of people reading this is hopefully friends or else people who i know from school and the likes of. Basically I am hoping that if u are reading this you know all about my glorious situation that has been in total a part of my live for a about 2-3years. Time flies doesnt it when one is having super fun?



The first time I got thee big C (as my lovely Linda calls it) I chatted away about it when ever someone had a question because to be honest its not every day your mate rings you up and tells you that they have the big C.



But the second time round it has completely changed. I don't really talk about it that much so this blog might be a big suprise to those who read because i tend to solider on and say "everything is fine" even when i am dealing with things my own wee way.....




Well this is the first post to tell you roughly what I will be talking about. You never know there may be a splash of humour added at points when i am pissed off with the doctors and want to sliently kill the nurses while removing my Hickman line by myself (a job one shud never do without experience help)



Toodles for now.....



Btw my name? I think it has a certain ring about it. Why not be cancerlicious while having cancer. Also its faintly amusing to me :)