Tommorrow is a pretty big day in my wee life. Im finally getting my hickman line out, which is scary in itself and also a big deal because it really says to me that the doctors dont think im at a high risk to get an infection aka the line is mainly in for anti botics after a transplant.....
Jus wanted to post that.... yanoooo
Thank goodnessmy tooth is a bit better but im still feeling sick and being sick :/
x
Monday 27 June 2011
Sunday 26 June 2011
"You have a bad day.." Or a couple more in my experience
Everyone gets bad days, days when you wake up and you feel like punching someone, or else the simple no patience at all for anyone with silly questions. My day today is deffo punch and throw things, which I have already done. No no! not punch anyone, just threw some stuff like a pillow and then a bathroom storage unit that is wicker and has no weight whatso ever... really I just pushed it to the ground in anger.
Why am I angry or having a shitteee day? Because I have realised par from the few actual mates who are ACTUALLY really busy with stuff that needs their full attention, all my other friends or so called friends have suddenly disappeared. It seems because I can't go out and drink or I dont have the energy to go out at strange times of night for a "cruise" or drive that no one contacts me. Now I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but literally NO ONE contacts me unless I contact them.... and thats not what friendship is about. Is it? If it is then I need re-training in friendship.
I have seen since the time of my transplant that I can no longer spilt myself from medical Jane to normal Jane, because the two have somehow fused together without me realising. The whole day is taken up with me drinking three litres or else moisturing because my skin is dry from the transplant, or else peeing because Im drinking. Orrr I get tired and sore... or my constant mouth washes and mouth oral medicines to prevent anything really bad happening in my mouth... then its back to more fluids and then wohh its bed time and no one has contacted me.
I know its all about waiting, but Im fed up waiting.... its 100 days till my anti rejection drugs gets decreased... and im near that date but i dont think that is gonna change anything. Im heart scared of getting ill again, but who can i tell? No one.... I don't want to bog my bf down with it and one friend in particular didnt even ask me how i was after i went to A and E....
It seems having a transplant has come at a cost. Not saying its not worth it, just saying that it has cost me more than I ever thought it would have....not even getting invited out... friends not making time to do other activites that dont invovle a lot of energy or drinking or packed venues....
I just hoped things wouldn't change... but life can't stay the same, oh yes it can remain shit.... but a different shit every shitty day.....
Why am I angry or having a shitteee day? Because I have realised par from the few actual mates who are ACTUALLY really busy with stuff that needs their full attention, all my other friends or so called friends have suddenly disappeared. It seems because I can't go out and drink or I dont have the energy to go out at strange times of night for a "cruise" or drive that no one contacts me. Now I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but literally NO ONE contacts me unless I contact them.... and thats not what friendship is about. Is it? If it is then I need re-training in friendship.
I have seen since the time of my transplant that I can no longer spilt myself from medical Jane to normal Jane, because the two have somehow fused together without me realising. The whole day is taken up with me drinking three litres or else moisturing because my skin is dry from the transplant, or else peeing because Im drinking. Orrr I get tired and sore... or my constant mouth washes and mouth oral medicines to prevent anything really bad happening in my mouth... then its back to more fluids and then wohh its bed time and no one has contacted me.
I know its all about waiting, but Im fed up waiting.... its 100 days till my anti rejection drugs gets decreased... and im near that date but i dont think that is gonna change anything. Im heart scared of getting ill again, but who can i tell? No one.... I don't want to bog my bf down with it and one friend in particular didnt even ask me how i was after i went to A and E....
It seems having a transplant has come at a cost. Not saying its not worth it, just saying that it has cost me more than I ever thought it would have....not even getting invited out... friends not making time to do other activites that dont invovle a lot of energy or drinking or packed venues....
I just hoped things wouldn't change... but life can't stay the same, oh yes it can remain shit.... but a different shit every shitty day.....
Friday 3 June 2011
Sun, Wisdom and the figure 50
Clearly I am not built for this warm weather, I feel like my dog right now, who is currently out the back in the garden because everytime i bring him in, he suffers what only can be described as a train attack, where he pants that quickly his tongue goes purple. So im sitting trying to keep cold but i feel no breeze coming through my open windows. Oh well, you cant complain when the weather is lovely like this, we rarely see it!
Wisdom you ask? MY TEETH! I am praying, and hoping that the tooth coming up is NOT impacted but i have a sore throat just on one side and my entire gum feels like it will explode... my tooth also hasnt come out in line with the rest of my teeth.... I'm worrying.
The figure 50 being that i have reached day 50 out of 100 of my transplant, which means Im fifty days away from being out of danger of getting graft vs host disease (were the cells attack your body because it realises you arent its normal host aka mum lol) So im pleased with that, because after day 100 they start to decrease my anti rejection tablets and then i can stop this whole drinking of three litres every day, which is pretty hard with this tooth!
Is it weird that I sat indoors all day because i was tired but that i applied sun lotion just because it smelt of coconuts? Noooo... neverrrr *keep telling yourself that*
Wisdom you ask? MY TEETH! I am praying, and hoping that the tooth coming up is NOT impacted but i have a sore throat just on one side and my entire gum feels like it will explode... my tooth also hasnt come out in line with the rest of my teeth.... I'm worrying.
The figure 50 being that i have reached day 50 out of 100 of my transplant, which means Im fifty days away from being out of danger of getting graft vs host disease (were the cells attack your body because it realises you arent its normal host aka mum lol) So im pleased with that, because after day 100 they start to decrease my anti rejection tablets and then i can stop this whole drinking of three litres every day, which is pretty hard with this tooth!
Is it weird that I sat indoors all day because i was tired but that i applied sun lotion just because it smelt of coconuts? Noooo... neverrrr *keep telling yourself that*
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