"You have a bad day.." Or a couple more in my experience

Everyone gets bad days, days when you wake up and you feel like punching someone, or else the simple no patience at all for anyone with silly questions. My day today is deffo punch and throw things, which I have already done. No no! not punch anyone, just threw some stuff like a pillow and then a bathroom storage unit that is wicker and has no weight whatso ever... really I just pushed it to the ground in anger.

Why am I angry or having a shitteee day? Because I have realised par from the few actual mates who are ACTUALLY really busy with stuff that needs their full attention, all my other friends or so called friends have suddenly disappeared. It seems because I can't go out and drink or I dont have the energy to go out at strange times of night for a "cruise" or drive that no one contacts me. Now I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but literally NO ONE contacts me unless I contact them.... and thats not what friendship is about. Is it? If it is then I need re-training in friendship.

I have seen since the time of my transplant that I can no longer spilt myself from medical Jane to normal Jane, because the two have somehow fused together without me realising. The whole day is taken up with me drinking three litres or else moisturing because my skin is dry from the transplant, or else peeing because Im drinking. Orrr I get tired and sore... or my constant mouth washes and mouth oral medicines to prevent anything really bad happening in my mouth... then its back to more fluids and then wohh its bed time and no one has contacted me.

I know its all about waiting, but Im fed up waiting.... its 100 days till my anti rejection drugs gets decreased... and im near that date but i dont think that is gonna change anything. Im heart scared of getting ill again, but who can i tell? No one.... I don't want to bog my bf down with it and one friend in particular didnt even ask me how i was after i went to A and E....

It seems having a transplant has come at a cost. Not saying its not worth it, just saying that it has cost me more than I ever thought it would have....not even getting invited out... friends not making time to do other activites that dont invovle a lot of energy or drinking or packed venues....

I just hoped things wouldn't change... but life can't stay the same, oh yes it can remain shit.... but a different shit every shitty day.....