Vanished?

I have finished semester one (uni) and yesterday I went to get my results for my donor test at the hospital. I should have been happy, hell i should have been overjoyed with everything but when she said that it was 100% donor still, I just smiled and nodded. I want to be happy! I want to be like "wooo hoooo lets tell everyone" but instead no one asked par a selective three people and even at that I was jus like "erm yeh it was okay".....

I am still in that phase of anger at the world around me, everyone seems to go around being horrible to people and taking things for granted but most of the time they dont realise how lucky they are. Granted that sounds soooo cheesy, but its true! People are becoming more "erm im not helping you with anything" in their life, lost in their own vanity. So you have to ask the question will it happen that if you or anyone else vanished for the day, would the rest of your peers or supposed "friends" notice? They might notice a couple of days after (say u took urself off to a wee cottage for the weekend) but on that ACTUAL day... would anyone notice? Sad to say I am beginning to think that no one would notice if i was to vanish for the day.

I have found I have no energy left for horrible people in my life, why say "awk they didnt mean it".... in a situation when they are pushed to their limits and you see their other side, it means that they arent the person you thought they were. I am beginning recently to see this more and more. People are actually like animals, wanting opportunities and some will actually do anything to get to the front of the queue. Fed up with it all.

I wish people would realise how their words effect others.... but sadly no one goes by the motto "treat others how u want to be treated"....

Other than that my antirejection drugs are being decreased at night (used to take 100mg in morning and 100mg at night, but now 100mg in morning and 75mg at night) I am also down to 15mg of steroids interval days. I think what I am mostly struggling with is the concept that I miss the old me, the one who doesnt seem to be angry most of the time and can make a joke. I find that the more i carry on "getting up and maybe the day will be better" the more I am beginning to get used to showing my "happy" fake smile and saying "im fine".... im not fine. im pissed off with the world. with people. with the fact that after four years of stealing my life it has now stole my personality. I dont like the new me. I hate the new me.