To Sink or Swim?

It's now my third week in isolation, after five days of high intense chemo, a stem cell transplant, a throat infection and not being able to walk due to having no blood counts.

I suppose in a sense when I re-read that, I have come a long way, but this isolation room is getting me down... big style. I have suddenly realised that after three years of continous treatment for my disease that I am ill. Normally I say "awk im grand" and smile or laugh and say "soon be okay" But at the minute I just can't seem to do that anymore. It's like i have come down to Dublin to get this done and suddenly realised that it has taken another human being to save my life, to make me better.

Since the age of 16 I have been ill and i think finally I have realised that I was not in the dream land I created for myself, were I had to being constantly busy because if i wasn't then I would sink and no one would rescue me.

Soooo the question to sink or swim seems simple enough, I want to swim, I want to reach the shore where all my friends, family and boyfriend are waving at me, but somehow there has been a tide change and I'm sinking, and no one can reach me.

I sound highly depressing at the minute but I think it's because of the isolation room and not being able to see anyone.

Anyway that is my update, I'm still here, whether it be swimming or sinking. You can't run away from anything I have realised.

So my question to you lot..... Would you be a sinker or a swimmer. I hope you are all both, because no one can be that strong that you can constantly being swimming, no one is super human. No one.