The quote by the way is taken from a song called Crystal Ball by Pink, which is lovely if you listen to the world "i wouldn't trade the pain for what I have learnt" I suppose in a way I'm like that, I wouldn't ever strike up a deal with someone if they said to me "i can take away everything that was bad in your life and you could forget" because I don't want to forget.
I know I talk constantly about being unwell but this blog was created for that single purpose, to highlight my good and bad days and for me to re-read at a certain time what happened. I suppose its a solid reminder to me later in life to be grateful, which is what I was talking about in terms of striking up a deal. I wouldn't want to take the deal because then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't realise that there are very ill people in the world, and in terms of my illness I am a pin hole in the world.
The hospital I'm at is the centre of excellence and most people are very ill, and when I "people watch" I feel more grateful for how my condition has turned out, as in I am being treated and can live a normal life unlike some patients who I see walk past me.
Anyway on another note my counts (white cell count) was finally above 5 so that meant that i .... COULD LEAVE MY ROOM :D
Yes! You heard me right, after FOUR WEEKKSSS, which is 28 days confined to one room. So me and my mother went outside... now for some I may seem like I'm over reacting but I haven't been out in 28 days, so we went into the patients garden and I found it sooo noisy in comparison to my room. The birds and people talking.... Anyway I sat out there and walked about then went to the coffee shop and had a nice salad sandwich after not eating a sandwich for the same lenght of time as I have already said. I swear it was like being five and given a balloon and chocolate or something.
My title is all about me finding my way back, and I think I'm finally on the home stretch in here in terms of being discharged. The doctors are hoping to get me out and allow me to live in the Dublin flat by Wednesday or thinking about it on Wednesday. Soooo the timer has been set in my mind and im just literally counting the days and trying to get the days through because I don't know what else to do in here (hospital)
So if someone is reading this (god knows) and needs encouragement about anything (self confidence, breakups, sadness) I just want to let you know that eventually everyone finds there way back to where they are meant to be... or where they are meant to be going. It may take some time but eventually you get there, because what else can you do but get there? You can't just sit on your bum and cry.... well occasionally we all can... but you get me
If you get sad listen to "higher" by saturdays with the remix of the man in it (the rapper, not sure of his name) because that can cure all things.
xo
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