Barbie in Town

My friend Clarebear, as I like to call her has got herself a blog and it is to promote being postive and finding things in your everyday life. It reminds me of a book I just finished reading where a girl decided everyday to complete a AOF (Act of Kindness) and that helped her restore her faith in human (she had been attacked) but Clare adores Barbie, hence the photo and title of the post and I thought it was about time someone dedicated a little loving to her....

At times I know she gets fed up or down (whatever people want to call it) but I also think that Clare is similar to me in some ways. She gets excited over silly things and can get really hyper without any reason (a bit like me) but when me and her are together I think that we get what each other mean even without really going into detail.

I just hope she knows I'm here even when I do go into my "no contact" phase during treatment. It's not because I don't love yah Clarebear, it's because I can't bear to hear people going on with their lives whilst I'm stuck in hospital. Jealously I suppose in a way.

Hope this cheered you up. And check out her blog! Maybe it might make you happy!

"They made a statue of us and put it on the mountain top"

Well I'm back from Dublin. I decided to leave my phone at home and I actually had a lovely day... yes I had a lovely day at the hospital. Something I didn't think I would say anytime soon. Thinking about it, it was because I knew they wouldn't be giving me chemo or poking at me too much.

The Dr who I called a bitch, was actually NICE. So I have decided that I need to go back to being positive about things and maybe not show that I'm always scared of what is coming. Because really when you do stop to think about it, someone out there has said "yes I will come to Dublin and give this girl my stem cells so she can live" PRETTY AMAZING. I wish I knew the person's name or something. Just so I could send them a letter thanking them, because I think it will be the best thing in my life that someone is going to give to me. I don't think a box of chocolate can really beat giving someone a new immune system.

The whole process is me getting a downgraded chemo (not a full blitz of chemo) and then that leaves half my own cells and this new person's cell come in. Now the problems can start. For a start my orginal cells cud teach the new cells bad habits, like a badly behaved child but hopefully they will die out and the donor cells will merge in my bone marrow and become mine. Or it could go all tits up and I could get graft vs host disease and my organs could fail..... HAHA sorry I had to laugh.

Fun fact of the day: Did you know that everyone... YES EVERYONE'S body kills cancer cells up to three times a day EVERYDAY..... FACT! Our bodies are reallyyyyy amazing.

When you do look round life is pretty amazing.....

The Journey to Dublin

Today is the journey down for a outpatients appointment in Dublin. The whole day is pretty long but its normally at least a bit funny on the way down. The doctor herself is one class A bitch but then most of those people are. The picture is the hospital, although it pretty massive (the picture doesn't do it justice)

On other news I am making a scrummy looking banoffee pie in advance for a birthday party on Wednesday. I say scrummy looking because even though I make it from scratch, I don't actually like banoffee so I have to trust the judgement of my boyfriend and my mum (both banoffee lovers)

Well that's you updated for now. I will come back on later on tonight to blog some more.... hopefully it won't be too depressing because as I said before the doctor looking after me in Dublin is a right old bitch.

Toodlesss

Nouveau Look

Well I have updated the look of my blog and thought I would post again just to show you a strange collection of pillows. From a pair of boobs to a lap pillow, to a blood pillow and to a blanket that is made up of pillows. I tried to put four photos of them up but they kept disappearing in the post. So here is just one.... It made me giggle. Maturity Jane!

Good night

Gleedom

Now this might seem cheesy to some people but I'm really into glee music this season. I don't know why, but some of them are sooo catchy and then you seem a bit happier at the end of it. I must admit I am a tv addict in a strange sense, I only watch tv via my computer i.e. on catch up.

Do you do this? Am a loner on this one?

I love Gossip Girl, Glee, One Born A Minute, Shamless, Secret Diary of A Call Girl, Eastenders, 90210, My Big C, Friday Night Dinner.... I won't continue lol.

I am also a huge fan of ebay now. I just got a ebay account and I was scared of it at the start but now I'm loving it. The bargins you can find in it!!!

I won a bidding contest...between myself for a diary that usually costs £10 but i got it for 99p. Yes yes! i hear you say, "Jane that is normal for ebay" but I'm NEW to it, therefore you should all be pleased for me. Whoever even reads this.

I have posted about three posts tonight so hopefully I will start to once again get this blog back on track because I do love it. It's my secret world, yet it isn't because it's easy for you to find it.... like a note left in a pile of letters?

"I'm not lost, I'm not gone"

You know when you're in the mood for that one hug that makes everything alright? That's me tonight, but maybe I should invest in one of these pillows... Hug me much?

I have had a terrible day and I need a wee hug. I think that pillow would also work as a hug where you place your head on the person's chest (normally a guy mate or your boyfriend) Although the chose of clothing would need to be changed to a softer vest or something.

I want to get back to blogging and talking about things that interest me or updates on me living through my 20's now. GOD I feel old.

I'm also dieting and I have lost 4lbs, only taken me a month but I'm really happy about it. Makes me feel better about myself.

I got a ipod touch recently so I'm back to listening to music and I love this new artist called Regina Spektor... her music is sooo nice and the lyrics are amazing.

The title of this blog is from a Avril song but some of the songs I have recently listened to on her album really seem to connect with my current health situation and it makes me do that whole singing into the hair brush...

Now where did I leave my half bodied pillow?

Mise A Jour....

Update time. Over nearly a year has passed. I now go to university for marketing and I was doing well with the whole big C but unfortuately I have it again. Woopie for me! It just loves me too much.

Anyway I have had another six months or something of chemo. ESHAP this time. She is one bitch, five days every month or twice a month depending on how the dates fell for that. Meant hospital and me being attached to a drip. I sometimes think the most difficult part of the whole cancer experience (if you could call it that) is people not understanding.

The very first time I had the big C, it was like interesting and funny to a certain extent but the more times i seem to have to face treatments and things that are very painful, for example spinal taps.... the further away "normal" people seem to get and the more isolated I feel.

God... morbid much? On another note I'm trying to choo choooo along like a wee train. And so far I'm doing alright.

I just bought a journal for Dublin, because I'm going down there for a stem cell transplant donor style this time. ENOUGH OF THE BIG C I hear my brain scream.

On another note I got Avrils new album and its FABBBBBB. Really recommend it :) and i prefer it over Jessie J's ablum.

Ohhh and i got a wee car, call her Flow (black ford fiesta) loveee her. Still dating the Thomas boyyyy (two and half years)